Conflicts are natural in any kind of relationship. Be it family, or romantic relationships or friendships, conflicts are natural. Disagreements and arguments, unlike popular beliefs, are healthy in a relationship as they help us to know the perspectives of the other person and understand them better. However, after the conflict, it is equally important to address the conflict and find a common ground to settle the ideas with. When we do not reconcile in a healthy manner after a conflict, it can lead to bitterness and distance in a relationship. “Do you find it refreshing to consider conflicts with your spouse are not the problem? The problem is you simply don’t know how to reconcile those conflicts, so they create growth and connection between you,” wrote Relationship Coach Julia Woods.
Here are a few signs that we are not reconciling conflict with our spouse in a healthy manner:
Negative emotions: Even after the conflict is over, when we still hold negative feelings for each other and do not feel good about the presence of each other around us, that means we are still holding on to the negative emotions and it is not allowing us to reconcile properly.
Feeling confused: After a conflict, it is important to sit down and talk about it and address things in a healthy manner. When we do not do it, we can feel confused because of the absence of clarity in the conflict. Hence, we may not understand why the spouse behaved in a certain way or said something.
Focused on the spouse: Instead of focusing on the words and actions of the other person, we should replay our words and actions and try to take responsibility for the mistakes we have made, and the things we have said that may have hurt the other person.
Bringing up past conflicts: While addressing the present conflict, we should be mindful about not bringing up past conflicts. When we do that, it indicates that we have not addressed and moved on from the past conflicts as well.
